Passport to Nowhere

Nepali Times ईspecial 28 June - 4 July 2024 #1218

Hi,

Whoever decided to change the colour of the Nepali passport deserves a medal. Finally we have a travel document that is the colour of shit, as is appropriate for citizens of a shithole country who need visas for just about every place on earth except India and Bolivia.

Nepali citizenship is so coveted that we have made it as difficult as possible for foreign nationals to become Nepalis, even if they are married to one. The cynical among you may be muttering under your breath: “What’s so special about Nepal anyway?” Hey, I heard that. Which is why I present below a not very exhaustive list of why Nepal is extraordinary:

·       Nepalis believe in reincarnation. So the National ID Card is valid in your afterlife. Just scan your QR code on entry to heaven.

·       Nepal is a land of infinite possibilities. No one will execute you for corruption, or chop off your hand for stealing.

·       Mt Everest was born in Nepal. The peak is Nepali by ascent.

·       Nepal was never colonised by any foreign power in history. It was colonised by Kathmandu.

·       Bhrikuti and Arniko defected to Tibet. So we invaded Tibet.

·       Nepal’s national disease is gastroenteritis. Lose 15kg during a 15-day tourist visa, or your money back.

On a serious note, our front page report this week was filed by Bhrikuti Rai in Sarajevo about Nepalis who are travelling to former-Yugoslavia to try to get into Europe through the backdoor. The investigation carries over to page 10-11 where it points to the need for the government to extend its focus from Nepali overseas workers in the Gulf and Malaysia also to Europe.

Nepali Times #1218 28 June - 4 July 2024

And from Aarhus in Denmark, Aseem Banstola sends us a poignant photo essay (page 6-7) about Nepali students struggling to combine work with studies to be able to afford living expenses and university fees.

The Editorial titled ‘Pre-paid Excellencies’ by Sonia Awale on page 2 unpacks the ridiculous practice of recalling ambassadors every time there is regime change in Kathmandu and replacing them with cronies, sidekicks, relatives, or business partners. This is nothing new, Nepal’s foreign service has had its share of embarrassing ambassadors like the guy in DC who was caught shop-lifting in a bookshop and had to resort to diplomatic immunity to be let off. Other envoys use diplomatic impunity to smuggle Old Smuggler whiskey through Kathmandu airport customs. Another inebriated head of mission was beaten to pulp for making a pass at someone’s gf.

Pre-paid Excellencies. Illustration: DIWAKAR CHETTRI

If you have not yet watched the stage drama Play द सिस्टम at Kausi Theatre in Kathmandu, you will certainly want to after reading Vishad Onta’s review on page 9. Directed by Akanchha Karki, it is about hierarchy and gender dynamics within an office. (Warning: Foul Language)

A scene from the play. Photo: TUPHAN JUNG THAPA

Last but not least, read the profile on page 12 of aircraft technician Samjhana Sidale who does not want to prove anything to anyone, but to be a trailblazer.

Enjoy the monsoony weather.

Kunda Dixit